In the beginning of the school term, i have come to know this girl, she is someone who listens to rock, who was from a girl school, who i think is someone really special to me, makes me feel really comfortable, makes me feel really happy when i was with her... i got to know her more and we kinda clique, i used to sit with her in class, take her to lunch, do our work together in the weekends. i find her very easy to talk to, i could ask her anything. right, this sound like an essay rather than a blog.

i couldnt deny that i had feelings for her but...

i didn't expect her to have the same feelings for me, i dun think i will be good enough for her. i didnt expect her to make the move too. we love to be with each other, enjoyed each other company, we looked forward meeting each other. right now i just misses her. But i know what i did was wrong. maybe it's because of who i am now. Right now, i'm this lazy, irresponsible, under achieved, incapable, inadequate, selfish, burdensome, unromantic, mediocre, childish, unreliable person; i could think of more. i dont wish my partner to share these problems with me.

I know all this attributes of me is impossible to change anytime soon. i dont expect anyone could help me. i can only rely on God. Dont risk any chances on me.

In deed, i maybe talented, i maybe a good company, if possible, i can whip up a dish or two and have candle light dinner for just both of us. but i just cant let her put her hope on my sinking ship.

As her name means that anyone would helplessly fall in love with, i find that it is really true. even though how much i cant, i will keep on failing. but as for now, she can only be special to me. i don't want her to be waiting, but just being a true friend for me is all i ask.